Rabbit (That's Me!)

 

...and I don't think it's a train!

My words of advice to myself - be patient when things are all a mess...things have a way of wroking themselves out whether you worry yourself sick over them or not.

That being said, it is another cloudy, ugly, chilly day! What is UP with this weather? Tomorrow is May, the month of hope, looking forward, and anticipation. We need some SUNSHINE!!!!!



There's a shot to get you in the mood. Lake Erie is so pretty sometimes. I miss living on a big body of water. The closest thing I have now is the big tub of water my dog has in her kennel.


I am looking forward to summer. here's my list of things to anticipate with the warm weather:

• Sleeping in!
• Staying up late, playing with Pasta out in the back yard as the sun sets
• Late night braiding sessions in the barn at a horse show
• Getting the first sunburn of the year
• Mowing the lawn
• Chasing the ice cream truck
• Coming home after a long, exhausting weekend horse show and sitting down to a huge plate of spaghetti
• Going running (and making it all the way without stopping!)
• Wearing sunglasses
• Painting toenails (mine and Pasta's!)
• Feeling the sun on my face in the mornings

There is so much more, but this list is getting sappy so I'll quit now!

 

 

What a gorgeous day. Who could be depressed on a day that's cloudless and sunny and 75 degrees? The horses are shedding gobs of hair now, the grass is starting to turn that really bright spring-green color, and you hear lawnmowers starting up around the neighborhood.

I am working very hard trying to remain positive even tough I am faced with depressing news at work. Maybe I need to step back a bit from this job, not put so much heart and soul into it. Maybe I should save those deeper parts of me for the more important things in life, like my husband, family, home, and personal activities. Just do the job, and not an ounce extra! You know - mark time, tread water, etc. Do what I gotta do, come home and enjoy life.

Just repeat after me: There are more important things in life, so who cares?

Here are my summer plans:

• Show every possible weekend, and have a blast doing so!]
• Improve my home life, make Kevin happy and make us happy being together by developing much more patience and being more willing to self-sacrifice and give of myself no matter how tired I am or how bad I feel
• Take more photos!
• Learn to play the guitar
• Stick to a budget...somewhat
• Find a way to earn extra cash this summer, sell something
• Go running at least 4 times a week, encrease my endurance and strength
• Spend at least one late night out in the backyard with my dog and the kids playing some silly game or just hanging out laughing
• Increase the happiness quotient in this house
• Be POSITIVE even when faced with and drowned by someone else's negativity. Find the old POSITIVE, OPTIMISTIC Jan and become her again!
• Do NOT get intimidated by the toughest competition in the country - grab the bit and go for it!
• Fall in love on a daily basis
• Remember that THIS: is what's really important!

 

B+

 

 

I have heard the phrase "God only gives someone what he can handle". I don't know if I am believing that today. On days like today I lay here and wonder how can God even imagine that I am capable of handling all of these problems? Why is it that when one area of your life goes sour, all the areas take a nosedive? Like your entire world is crumbling apart all at once. I sit here and think about that phrase - that God somehow knows that I can handle all of this right now. Pile it on, dude! I wonder a lot of times if God even recalls that he put me here. Hello? Anyone home?

You see, I am supposed to remain positive, regardless of what happens. I am supposed to be completely self-confident and easy-going even when I am faced with everything wrong I have ever done, every character flaw I hold, and every misconstrued word that ever left my lips. I am supposed to remain self-assured and secure in my person even when those closest to me are telling me that every facet of my personality is wrong, is bad, is hard to live with, is unattractive, is not what they want to be with. I am supposed to stay happy and upbeat even when relationships are shattering and I am being told that the basic core of my being is not good.

You know, I sit here and realize that no matter what, it all comes down to ME anyways. I can't live my life for someone else and I cannot form my personality and be the cutout figure that someone else has in mind. I am what I am (yikes I am quoting Popeye!), and although I constantly strive to improve, I cannot change my basic fabric. I am an intense, driven person and I NEVER do things halfway - not hobbies, not my job, and not my relationships. The sad thing is that becaue I am like this, even small failures are personal disasters. Because I put 100% of my self into everything, facing my failure means I am facing a complete section of my being that is bad, wrong, or incompetent. That's tough, andmost people do not understand how I am...they look at this trait and find that it is intimidating, annoying, and dramatic. It's not drama...it's ME, love me or leave me!

 

 

Everyone needs to have that place they can go to relieve stress, to relax, to enjoy themselves in something they love. Here's my escape:


Today it was 68 degrees and sunny. I spent the late afternoon cleaning stalls and working with my yearling "Corky".

Yippeee.....it's spring!

Everyone's feeling spring fever.

The grass is just starting to turn green again. We are having a late spring since March was SO incredibly cold. Just seeing the sunshine and the greenery makes me feel happy inside.

SIGNS OF SPRING:

• The grass turns green
• You can drive with your window cranked down a little bit
• You leave the barn covered in horse hair from shedding equines
• You develop strong arm and back muscles from pushing the wheelbarrow through a foot of wet mud
• Television becomes boring
• You suddenly develop the urge to wax your truck
• You're itching to start up the lawnmower just to hear the sound
• Students are VERY restless and impatient in school, and you must perform a circus act to keep them on task
• You go broke making futurity payments for the fall's big shows
• 'Diet panic' sets in - you know the feeling that you thought you had plenty of time to lose those extra pounds before shorts weather?
• We are all much more patient with each other at home
• The sunshine zaps your memory, and you forget lots of little details that you need to keep track of on a day to day basis
• You have a million piles of clothing sitting out because it's warm enough some days for summery things but not yet warm enough to pack up all your winter clothes

 

 

 

I don't think we give beds enough credit. Trust me...after spending two days this week trying to sleep on a bus seat, a bed is one of the most wonderful inventions i can think of. It is so amazing how one can feel like the walking dead for a day, then stretch out in a comfortable bed for a good 8 hours or so, and wake up feeling like a newborn.

What I find amazing is how one falls into specific patterns when they sleep. For instance, I can only sleep on my side. No matter how I try, and though I may doze off in another position, my real sleep only comes in a certain position with my arms in a certain place and only on my ancient double pillow. I wonder if that is a sign of an inflexible personality?