I leave Thursday morning (early!) for the Tom Powers Futurity in Michigan. Nervous? You bet i am!!! I am nervous about hauling my big horse plus my yearling all by myself for 4+ hours, I am nervous about the incredibly tough competition, I am nervous abotu not having any idea of where to go, I am nervous about falling flat on my face in longe line. This is a show I have always wanted to do, so this is a great opportunity for me to fulfill a personal goal of mine. It sure would be nice NOT to get last place...though I am not optimistic. I am a nobody with NO money and no influence...we shall see what happens!
I kind of let the horse thing slide last week while I was so busy with the Battle of the Businesses (our team ended up in second place). Actually that's not a bad thing - after a week of laziness, Taylor went to a show on Sunday and gave Courtney and I 4 near-perfect rides. Gotta love that! Corky, however, is still hairy and hit a growth spurt so that she is a full 2 1/2 inches taller in her hip, throwing off her movement. *sigh* for this to happen now of all times....figures!
Well, wish us luck :-]
I feel VERY good tonight. Completed two more Battle of the Businesses events, and was very proud of myself. I talked myself through the canoe race all day, told myself that I didn't want to be the one everyone was waiting on. My job was in the second lap - to canoe across the lake, jump out, and run around the lake back to the starting point. I wasn't worried about the canoeing part - years of shoveling manure out of stalls gives me great arm strength! The running part worried me..as usual. I must say I did feel a bit more confident going in tonight after completing the 2 mile race on Friday. I finished the run with more pain in my legs than I can remember...but I beat the canoe back...my main goal! Our team finished FIRST in the canoe race....YES!!! I bombed the Hillbilly Horseshoes...had one right on the box and then knocked my own bag off the box for ZERO points... :-[ It was a fun evening. Stay tuned...Wednesday night (ugh - big dread) the inner tube relay race. Have I mentioned how much I hate water sports?
I feel very good about everything today. Kevin is proud of me...funny how important that is to me. I haven't felt that he was proud of me in a long time, and it feels great to know that he thinks I did good. I can call myself independent all day long, but in the end we all see ourselves through our loved ones' eyes.
*smash* that's me htitting my head against the wall. *sigh*...when will I ever learn to just SHUT UP? I need to get back into MY life and completely out of everyone else's...let them sink or swim on their own and just keep my head where it belongs. *big sigh* I will never learn, will I?
I am off to my summer routine already. It is 1:21am as we speak, and I am busy doing marching band music re-writes. I spent the evening putting together the 2005 marching band cd for the students...after a lot of frustration with my CD burner I finally got it working right. we have some cool tunes this year...I'd tell you but they are a secret until the music gets mailed out next week!
I work best late at night. It seems I get a great burst of energy after midnight, and I start working like crazy. I will fall apart around 4am and head to bed...sleep late into the morning and then I am at it again. I think I would be SO much more productive if I worked 3rd shift. I need to look for a 3rd shift school somewhere to teach at! Man oh man I do love summer. In the midst of writing music, I looked outside (around 7:30pm) and said 'to heck with it!' and went out to the backyard with a good book...sat in the chair and read with my dog (Pasta) and my cat (Milkshake) laying at my feet. What a life. The only way it could be more perfect is if I could look out back and see my horses grazing. Instead I see the gang scrawlings on the garage behind us *sigh*.
Visiting other peoples' houses makes me realize a lot of things. Kevin and I sat around last night and talked about his friend's new house, how ncie it was, what a great neighborhood, how big, etc. Then we came home to our tiny little cottage. But you know, I'd live in a Maytag box as long as I had Kevin and the family around. I mean, a house is just a pile of sticks, right? Just a place to hang out, to eat, and to sleep. It doesn't define you or anything, right? I think what defines us are our life experiences...many of which we would never be able to have if we had a thousand-a-month morgage payment. When I am 90 and rocking in my rocking chair, I can look back and remember all the horse shows, the Florida vacations, a cruise or two, the new digital cameras, the horses I bred (and lost money on)...MUCH better than just looking back at life and just seeing a big old house!
That being said, I still will continue to buy lottery tickets in the hopes that I will win enough to buy my acreage in the country.
Some areas of my life are extremely organized and run very smoothly...other areas I tend to fly by the seat of my pants. Is it no wonder those areas cause me the most stress?
We had a joint 6th grade concert today with the public school. I was extremely organized - had the drinks and cookies lined up, more ice and coolers than I needed, just the right amount of parent help, the gym got set up an hour in advance, sound system was turned on, music was in order, and signs were put up. Everything ran like clockwork. Why can't I stay that organized in all areas of my job?
I tend to be very organized in my horse life. Maybe that's because when it comes to the horses, I am 100% on my own there...no help from anyone. This is strictly MY world, with others only popping in for a visit every now and then. If I don't stay on top of things and completely organized, disaster happens. I guess I am only able to channel my organizational skills into one area at a time. Sometimes, although I have the best of intentions, things just go haywire when it comes to band activities. Could be the fact that I have to run an entire band program grades 5-12 plus all the little extra musical school happenings all by myself? Somehow my home life goes haywire also...I try to stay organized, but half the time I am just flying through from one place to another, and things get a bit out of sorts. Can we say tension in the home? Oh well...the school year is about to end so I can devote more time to things around here. I can only do what I can do, and until I find a way to invent more hours in the day, I am only going to get just so much done.
Sometimes I find being at home is the most stressful part of my day. It's weird how that has come about. Sometimes I find my jaw clenching as I drive up in the driveway. I feel like a rabbit waiting to be attacked by the wolf. Sometimes my defenses kick in long before there is any reason to. I need to work on that. I think I need some days out with friends...people outside of this home and life...I need to round out my world a little better. Right now my life is a triangle - we have work, home, and horses. Maybe I need to make it a square, find another dimension...just a tiny one...to help me broaden my horizons, see different viewpoints, and just get away. Or maybe I just need to chill out and not take things so personal, remove myself mentally from these attacking situations and just ignore them. HAH! Easier said than done. Maybe I just need a little sunshine...it's so cloudy and gloomy today :-[
