« September 2006 | Main | November 2006 »

October 30, 2006

Nostalgia

I sat here this morning eating my cinnamon toast, and I started thinking about all the little things from back home I have brought with me into this 'adult' life. I sit here in a house that belongs to someone else, that has someone else's life stamped all over it, and yet I have found a way to bring my own childhood into it in small ways. For instance - the shaker that I use to mix my cinnamon and sugar for my toast - it's the same shaker I used growing up as a child. I think when I had left for college, I missed my cinnamon toast so my mom gave me the shaker and showed me how to mix the cinnamoon and suger (yeah, a very technical task but then I was (and still am) kind of stupid in the domestic arts!).

There is a spoon with a green handle that I MUST use when eating my mom's chicken soup. I will dig it out of the dishwasher and hand wash it if needed. Don't ask me why, but that's the way it is

I always eat my toast on one of my mom's old Melmac plates. Something about the sound of the knife on those hard plastic plates reminds me of growing up, sittng at our kitchen table getting ready for school.

I remember other 'traditions' growing up. For instance - there were specific glasses that we used whenever we drank pepsi (out of the old tall bottles!). We only had Pepsi when we had pizza (home made of course), and it seemed we only had Pizza on the occasional Sunday. Why only Sundays? I am not sure, but that is what I remember! I also remember those dark blue/grey plates with the white rope edge (Bob and I would fight over the chipped one) - those plates were only used for three specific meals - Spaghetti, Chop Suey, and Chili (in which I usually had a boiled hot dog or slice of leftover pizza because I hated chili!).

Sou was always eaten in specific bowls - Dad had his bowl and I had mine. Dad always filled his bowl up with noodles, parsley, carrots (which he cut up into exact pieces) and chicken pieces first and then added the soup. I always put the soup in forst, then added the noodles.

Of course, the chocolate chip cookies always went in the apple cookie jar (which I now own!). No other cookie ever crossed the threshhold of that jar. It was an unwritten law - sugar cookies and M&M cookies were kept in large tupperware containers in the drawer, but chocolate chip cookies were kept only in the apple cookie jar (which had it's very own place of honor on the far corner of the countertop).

We always had punch and/or pizza on the day we set up the Christmas tree. The garland always went on last, and it was never quite correct (accoring to those in charge of putting it up!). Everyone had their own specific ornaments they liked to hang up, on specific sides of the tree. The Christmas album of choice was always Andy Williams (the one with the red cover).

Maybe I will add to this list later...more and more nostalgic memories keep coming to me!

 

October 25, 2006

Windowless World

I hate not having windows. I hear rumors that (*gasp!*) the sun is actually shining today. Little would I know...no windows to see outside! The sky could be falling and I would be the last to know. I am suffering from a major lack of sunshine in my system, so having some sunlight pouring in a window right now would do me a lot of good.

I feel overwhelmed today. Actually I have felt overwhelmed since Monday...really since Sunday..OK, for a few weeks now! So much to do at work, so much to take care of at home, so little time to even think. Bills are piling up waiting to be paid. I guess I'd better get on that very soon.

Here's my list of things that need to get done...pronto

  1. Get details organized for our performance at Defiance College - sure wish they would get organized on their end so I actually know what we are doing!
  2. Get the marching band awards finalized for next week's banquet
  3. Make sure the cafeteria is reserved for the banquet
  4. Line up the food and drink
  5. Schedule the grade school concert for next week
  6. Call Celina Pizza Hut to set up our post-game pizza on Friday
  7. Pick up my computer and learn how to work my new DVD burner and firewire for my camera
  8. Organize and make the marching band video (ugh, that is a HUGE job worthy of several numbers on my list!)
  9. Clean up my stuff at home, especially my desk
  10. Pay bills...boooo!
  11. Clean stalls, ride Corky.
  12. Clean out my trailer and store equipment in the basement (the stuff that can't be frozen)
  13. Farrier appointment on Saturday morning - don't forget!
  14. Hunt down my hay guy and schedule the delivery...line up people to help unload and stack (*shudder* horrible job!)
  15. Lesson plans, lesson plans, lesson plans.

OK, I am stopping here with this list and getting on task. Lunch time is OVER!

October 23, 2006

MISSION: ACCOMPLISHED!!!

We did it!!!

Taylor totally came through for me. Congress finalists yet again in Equitation, but this time our railwork was smooth, quiet, and uneventful!

See the whole story here:

http://www.janhare.com/congress06_3

October 20, 2006

I am Ready

Focus --> Clarity --> Power --> Achievement

Analyze, design, plan and implement. Make it happen!

Dream, Believe, Dare, Do!!

Seize the Day

It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best, knows the triumph of high achievement; and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat. -- Teddy Roosevelt

Someday is right now!

Plan your work, then Work your Plan

Success comes from doing the best you can do, pursuing your dreams until you make them come true.

BELIEVE! Strong belief actually triggers the mind to find the ways, the means, the "how to" to get things done

Control your mind, or it will control you! Control your mind, For it will control you!

Anything the mind can Conceive, and Believe, IT CAN ACHIEVE.

The most successful people have the biggest challenges. The size of your challenges will determine the size of your growth and success.

Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood and probably themselves will not be realized. Make big plans; aim high in hope and work. --Daniel Hudson Burnham

Luck = Preparation + Opportunity

Think like a Hero. Work like an Artist.

(thanks Brian!)

Ok, I am ready as I will ever be. The mind and body are strong, the will is great. OK, so maybe I am a bit shaking in my boots (literally!). This is IT.

IT

There are no more second chances. This is my opportunity to right a wrong, to make good on what I had always planned to do, the goal I had always set in my mind (even when I refused to put actual words towards that goal).  I have worked for several years towards this, I have spent money, spent time, spent sweat, spent energy...all that is now spent and can never be regained. This is IT. Crunch time! Time to do it and do it right. Time to achieve that goal. I am ready. I have done everything possible there is to make this goal a reality. I could not have done anything more, I can look back on the past few years and know honestly that I have not left a stone unturned nor a task incomplete. So...I am ready.

Then again...there is always the

x factor

The x factor - meaning Taylor! A living, breathing, mind-of-her-own creature that can make or break any plan.

I wonder if she realizes how important this is?

Oh well...I am off now...wish me luck!

Showmanship at Congress

Here are a few photos...

 

 

Read the whole story and see all the photos!!!

http://www.janhare.com/congress06_1

 

October 19, 2006

When you lose, don't lose the lesson

When you lose, don't lose the lesson

A very good friend told me this today. VERY fitting, and I need to remember this!

Yesterday, I entered my showmanship class (Novice Amateur - last time I'll ever get to show that class in my lifetime!) as prepared and ready as I could possibly be. We practiced that hairpin trot turn until Taylor was able to bend her big 17-hand body into a U around the cone and end up straight with the judge. We practiced our 360 turns, or 90 turn, our straight back-up, out quick set-ups, every skill we needed to be successful. I concentrated on keeping my wristst straight, arms and hands still, and ran in step with Taylor (NOT an easy thing to do!). We go into the class, and she makes a very elementary mistake - stepped out of her pivot. I don't think she has stepped out of a pivot all year!!! What a place to start. In a class of 200 entries, that knocked us out. It was very disappointing...to get knocked out due to such a silly mistake on her part.

Next was the amateur showmanship class. It required a back in a C-shape between two cones. We had not really practiced that curved back because I didn't want her to anticipate a curve when we had to back straight in the novice. Well, we went into the class and got the curved back fairlt well, but we were slightly off center. Our 360 pivot was perfect, and our setup was instantaneous (I love when that happens!). But being slightly off center in a class full of world and Congress champions means you get the gate!

Overall I was happy with Taylor. She made a mistake, I can't hate her for that. I've made plenty also. She wasn't trying to be bad, she just messed up a bit. Even so, it's disappointing. But what isn't disappointing is finding out who your friends really are. I really felt good knowing there were people who were pulling for me. I received e-mails, calls, and visits from people. Kevin, Kerry, Pat, Cassie, Jessie, Beth, Michelle, Susan, and many others - you'll never know what your simple phone call/e-mail/message/visit/words mean to me!

 

On to Equitation on Saturday night...estimated start time is 7:00pm. This is the class I have worked my butt off preparing for. I have a red, oozing raw spot on my leg from riding so much the past few weeks. This is out last novice amateur equitation class ever, as we are also pointed out of this class for good. I'd like to say I feel confident and positive, but after seeing how one teeny tiny mistake can blow a class for you i showmanship, I am thinking perfection in our eq pattern is going to be nearly impossible to achieve.

Photos from yesterday coming soon...be patient Wink

October 12, 2006

You Owe Me!!!

Today the temperature dropped about 25 degrees from yesterday. We even got snow today (though I never got to see it, being trapped in my windowless room). Taylor was a bit wired. We started off having a very good ride, and then she decided to start spooking at NOTHING. Seriously, she dove sideways from a blank wall. Then she leaped and dove when Corky made a rustling noise in her stall. Finally in frustration I grabbed Taylor's halter and yelled at her face 'YOU OWE ME'!!! I have $2,000 in vet bills sitting on my desk so that you are comfortable! I have dedicated my winter, spring, and summer to working out and gaining strength to become a better rider for you! I spent all of my extra money on training and things for you to help you become better and make you more comfortable (all the while going without personal luxuries!). You get new shoes every 5-6 weeks, and I haven't bought a new pair of shoes in 3 years! You have regular meals, on time, every day...and often I have to skip meals in order to have time to ride! I have dedicated this summer into making you the best you can be, now it's your turn to do right by me!!!!!!!

Do you think she understands? Will my little rant make a difference? She did look me in the eye while I yelled, so maybe I got through to her.

Oh, bring me sunshine and 80 degree weather next weekend, please!

October 11, 2006

Quiet...what a beautiful sound

It is completely quiet in the house. No TV, no radio, volume is off on the computer, and the phone has not rung. I never thought how much I'd enjoy the sound of silence. I have a job that makes me be surrounded by SOUND all day...some sounds are good, some are in-between, and some are awful. If it isn't instrumental music, it's talking, laughing, banging on drums, or booms from clumsy athletes dropping weights in the weight room above my head. Right now all I hear is the hum of the computer, and a little bit of rainfall outside. Nice.....

Last night as I was stopped at a red light, some oblivious dude came screaming down the street on his bicycle and ran smack into the side of my truck...he flew off his bike and landed hard on the pavement in fromt of my truck. I watched him fly through the air and over my bumper. Weird. He was carrying a container of soup. Doubly weird. He got up, put the lid back on his soup container, and jumped back on his bike and took off before I could stop him. Now I have a scratch on the front corner of my truck, and I had to clean noodles off the hood. Very weird.

Today was a good day. It started off wonderful. I love being greeted in the mornign with happiness and affection. It sets the tone for the whole day. Even though I was swamped at work, had rehearsal for a long time after school and then a meeting all evening, I came home still in a good buzz of a mood. Thank you!

 Tomorrow's agenda:

  1. Go to work (ugh, teacher in-service for the first 2 hours)
  2. Do everything in my power to see that the band has show 4 learned and ready for the game. That will be tough since they have yet to even march and play the 3rd song in the show. Dang RAIN!
  3. Go clean stalls and ride Taylor. Crunch time, baby! Gotta work on that sitting trot and those forehand turns, and my confidence!
  4. Go run and work out at the Y. My plan is to do a hard workout tomorrow, and another on Sunday and then that is it until after Congress. My strength is up, I think I am ready.
  5. Head home and eat something very filling - either soup or spaghetti. Yum...
  6. Watch Survivor with Kevin. Polish my show halter, hunt and show boots, and hunt bridle as  watch. Try not to think about next week.
  7. Go to bed by 11pm at the latest (yeah, dream ON!)

I haven't taken any pictures lately. Must get on that!

 

October 09, 2006

Good Night...

Taylor was 'herself' tonight - the spooky, jumpy, take-control self. We had a thirty minute ride that consisted of me saying 'Pay attention and behave!' and Taylor saying 'No, not gonna do it!'. I *think* I won the battle by the end, but it's kind of hard to tell. I got the last laugh - she sweated so much she had to have a bath..hahaha!

 This is my bedtime. It is 11:00pm. Why am I not in bed yet??? Probably because I got home at 8:30pm (gone for 13 hours today), ate dinner at 9:00pm, painted one tray for an order due soon, and am now trying to chill out and relax. I am trying to remember when the last time I got to just hang out and be lazy. I have so much looming over my head. Here's the Loom list:

  • We are learing a brand new show in band, to perform on Friday. It has taken two full days just to somewhat learn the opener...and we only have 3 days of practice left until the performance.
  • My boots are still dirty from the last show in September. I need to clean and polish them. I don't think I have even polished my show halter once this year! My bridle needs to be oiled and cleaned. Everything needs to get packed and organized and checked a thousand times to make sure nothing is forgotten.
  • I still need to ride every day, and make our rides productive (unlike today's ride!). I need to build my confidence with some great, smooth, quiet rides at home so I go into Congress with a positive attitude.
  • I have laundry piling up, but then that's a natural everyday occurance!
  • I am out of money. Seriously low on funds, and a $2,000 vet bill sitting on my desk, and a potentially $900 hay bill coming in a few weeks. Everything happens at once. I wonder if I can sell some organs on the black market to pay these off. Hey, I don't need two kidneys right? I wonder if I can sell my useless organs like my appendix and spleen (and brain LOL!)
  • I NEED to clean up my mess in this house. Kevin is going to have another mental breakdown about it soon. I am going to get on this ASAP because I feelo very badly about my messy desk and lack of organization. I am trying, believe me I am!
  • I should be working out at the Y all week, but who the heck has time? Maybe tomorrow I can run a couple miles and stretch those leg muscles. I need to be at my absolute strongest next week - physically and mentally. That means I shoudl also GO TO BED and get my sleep!!!!
  • I need to spend time with Kevin. I miss talking to him, and sleepy midnight conversations in bed just aren't the same. I definitely don't want to neglect him, he is most important on my list. I just hope he understands my crazy life the next two weeks.

Good night, I am off to bed!

Support

That was then, this is now.

What will the picture show from 2006? We have less than 2 weeks until we know!

What means the most to me is knowing that I have people behind me supporting me, backing me up. You know, that means everything. Just to have someone ask 'How'dja do?'means a lot. Or to have someone take the time to be there to watch and support - that means everything to me.

Have I mentioned that it is crunch time? Tongue out

LOL, one cannot show the first piecture without showing this one also. This is the one that keeps me up at night!

That was then, this is now!

I need to keep that in mind - that is my constant mantra.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Change of subject....

This room is a cacophony of sounds. I hear some very fine classical music being played on the piano by an 8th grader. Behind her are the sounds of someone very small struggling to hit notes on a tuba. Also in the background are sounds of trumpets straining to hit notes, laughter, and general talking. Oh yes, and two alto saxophones playing We Three Kings about 60 times in a row. Oh, can't forget the two playing 'Heart And Soul' on the xylophone. I love this job! Seriously...I do. How fun to be able to be the one to introduce this new skill, this entire new area of life to these kids. They will never be without music for the rest of their lives...glad I could be a part of that.

October 07, 2006

My Saturday Night Date

I had a Saturday night date tonight with a hoofpick, manure fork, and paintbrush. Gotta love Saturdays! Due to circumstances beyond my control, I wasn't able to ride as planned this morning. Bu it all worked out - I rode tonight around 8:30pm and a good friend from out of town stopped by and took Taylor for a spin. It's always a lot of fun to see someone else (especially someone who is a good rider) put Taylor through her paces. I rarely get the opportunity to stand on the ground and watch her go. She is such a cool horse!

At 9:30pm I cleaned out Corky and Taylor's stalls again. Then I headed home and parked myself in front of the TV for a little Law and Order and painting. I am still working feverishly on that large order due at the end of the month.

All in all, a pretty decent Saturday night. Kevin is with the girls babysitting his nephew, and Cody is at his homecoming dance. I sit here at my computer and think longingly of the days when I dated...I mean actually dated - went out to dinner, movies, dancing, etc. What heppend to those days? We are so ultra-involved in our miscellaneous lives that we sometimes lose the very activity that brought our lives together. It's time to make time! Sure wish I could manufacture a few more hours in the day.

Not that I am counting or anything, but two weeks from today is that dreaded (and anticipated) equitation class. This is it...CRUNCH TIME!!!!

October 06, 2006

LOL

Caught ya again! Hehehe, you just can't resist, can you? GOTCHA! Remember, I am like Santa Claus, I can see ALL...I can see if you've been here and even how long you've stayed.

 

LOL

Now tell me ya love me...LOL

Non-aching backs and fires

You know, after loading and unloading nearly 2,000 pounds of grain last night, you'd think I would be crippled this morning. Amazingly, my back feels really good! What a relief. I am so paranoid about throwing out my back. A bad back equals a really bad life, in my view.

We were wakened at 4am this morning by the fire department calling for a second alarm - calling Kevin in to work. Kevin is on duty already scheduled today. NO ONE fro the other shift answered their phones all night so they had to call the upcoming shift in, which means he has to work something like 27 hours straight. How wrong is that? I mean, when you sign up for a job like that, you are supposed to be available when duty calls. To me, if you are not willing to go when an emergency arises, you need to go work at Wal-Mart or someplace like that.

t is 7am and I am ready to leave for work, and Kevin still hasn't returned. It makes me worry, even though I amsure everything is fine. You just never know what might happen...I lay in bed at 4am and imagined all these possible scenarios. I tend to over-worry about things, I think!

OK, I have a tiny ache between my shoulders, but that's it! What a great blessing to be strong and to be able to keep myself fit and active. I think I would die if I were forced into inactivity for any amount of time.

2 weeks from tomorrow - Congress equitation! Let's hope Taylor keeps all 4 feet on the ground this year!

Man, where did that tan go? Lost in the month of working all day and having 60 degree afternoons with little sunshine.

Bring on the heat...I miss it!

October 05, 2006

Alotta Nuthin'

Hello, fan club!

Kiss

I am a little confused. The new wellness policy here at work states that they will no longer sell pop in the machines, instead it will be all natural fruit juices and bottled water. Yet the Pepsi guy was here yesterday with a semi truck, unloading cases and cases of bottled pop for the machines. Puzzling...

I love the smell of Play-doh, crayons, the old ditto machines, new shiny book pages, sawdust, subtle men's cologne, garlic, leather, chicken soup, and diesel.

When in doubt, scrap the entire thing and start over. New beginnings are cool.

I have to load and unload 2,000 pounds of grain by myself tonight. NOT looking forward to this. Then 200 bales of hay are going to come in a couple weeks, ditto on the unloading.

Crap, I need to buy a DVD burner for my computer ASAP. Yeah, while the $2,000 vet bill sits unpaid on my desk. And Congress starts this week. Did I mention I am poor? Money-poor and horse-rich, the story of my life!

Back to work now......

October 04, 2006

Conflict

Conflict is interesting. It keeps the world revolving. Conflict and contrast - like in colors (black and white, red and green, purple and lime green...ugh). People tend to thrive on conflict because it forces them to think about what their own opinions and beliefs really are, and it makes them verbalize their thoughts into a logical sequence (most people, anyways!).

Money

Money is a huge conflict. We don't have enough! We want more! You make more than me - not fair! I make more than you, that makes me a more valuable person! You spend your money on stupid stuff (at least it is stupid to me!). I want your money, give it to me. You want my money, keep your dirty paws off. This money is rightfully mine, because I bore your children. I shouldn't have to pay for this because I don't want it. I should pay the price I think is fair. I want more money! You want more money!

Religion

My religion is right. Yours is wrong. I want you to believe what I believe. I don't want you to believe what you believe. Your beliefs don't mesh with mine. I want to believe in something tohat is more convenient for me. I don't want to have religious beliefs that prove I might be doing something wrong. I want to be right! I want ot be God, and you can't stop me!

Power

I want to be in control. You want to control me, no way. I want to control you. I want to control everyone who crosses my path. I want to control your thoughts. You are trying to control my thoughts, so stop it! I want to control my own destiny. I want to control my future. I want to control what happens to me. I want to control what happens to my loved ones. I want to have full say in my life. I want to be in charge. I want to have zero responsibility but all of the benefits. You want to have power over me. Don't tell me what to do.

and so on, and so on.

Life's conflicts boil down to these three main battles, for the most part.

True love, true acceptance, and true friendship means going beyond the quest for money, power, and ultimate religion...in acknowledging the fact that everyone has the right to believe/spent/worship as they see fit as long as it hurts no one.

That's a toughie, and no one is expemt from the big quest.