janhare.com Blog

January 30, 2007

*shiver shiver*

Filed under: Uncategorized — CoolRabbit @ 9:54 pm

I thought yesterday was cold…today was far worse. I actually had the day off from work due to snow, ice, blowing snow, and more ice. You know, I never left the house all day? What a slug I am! I also didn’t do ANY painting. Double the slug! Did I work out? No! Did I clean up around here? No! I did do about 7 loads of laundry, that should count for something. I made a cool video of Taylor to upload to my website. I talked with a few friends. I ate a lot of junk food. What a wasted day.

Now because I was such a slug today, tomorrow is going to be manic. Serves me right! I am going to be tearing my hair out to get everything done tomorrow. Sometimes my own laziness is my worst enemy. I HATE that about myself! I want to be up and motivated 100% of the time. I would like to have endless, boudless energy, stamina, drive, and initiative. Instead, I was a SLUG today. Blah!

January 29, 2007

Arctic Ohio

Filed under: Uncategorized — CoolRabbit @ 7:36 pm

I am hating this cold weather. It makes life so unpleasant! When I cleaned Taylor’s stall today everything was frozen, and I mean everything. The manure balls sounded like rocks when I threw them into the wheelbarrow. Taylor was revved up because of the cold weather. She ran around the arena like a maniac. Good thing I had already decided it was way too cold to ride!

I wonder what it would be like to live in a climate that never snowed. I think I would enjoy it…I love the heat. Instead I am freezing in Ohio. Pasta and Milkshake have it worse, I feel so guilty! It’s kind of weird to see a dog and a cat curl up together and sleep…weird but kind of nice. Just goes to show that anyone can get along if they really want to! This kind of weather makes me want to curl up in a little ball next to someone and stay warm.

Am I weird? I check the temperature in Kentucky each day to see what sort of weather Corky is experiencing. I hope she isn’t cold. I am too poor to buy her a blanket, so she is wearing the 15 year old torn up one that I dug out of my trailer. I hate being poor…more than I hate being cold!

2 months from now, it will be getting warmer. That’s only about 60 days or so. I can make it…I can, I can!

January 22, 2007

Low man on the totem pole

Filed under: Uncategorized — CoolRabbit @ 10:29 pm

I am so low, I think I am actually the part that is underground! What does Jan want? Who knows? No one bothers to ask.It’s irrelevant, she ain’t gonna get it anyways unless it meshes 100% with the needs of the rest of the world. *hear the violins?* Wink

It’s hard living life as the great afterthought. It’s so subtle. Often there isn’t anythng really concrete to complain about. I call it the furniture syndrome. You know – the old furniture you have in your house that you’ve had around for quite a while. It was interesting, bright, pretty, and eye-catching when it was new, but now it has a little wear and tear and it kind of fades into the woodwork, so to speak.

It’s such an odd way to live. In some areas of my life I feel very competent, important, necessary, needed, and wanted. In other areas of my life I feel like I have already disappeared, like Jan has left the building. The couch is never noticed until a spring breaks. Then the discomfort gets noticed and dealt with. Once it is fixed, it just remains a piece of furniture that you don’t even notice while you sit there and watch TV.

Speaking of totem poles, I thin it would be totally cool to learn how to carve wood and to carve my own. I’d love to learn sculpting or wood carving. After a million years of painting, I feel the need to get into a more three-dimensional type of artwork. I want to be able to feel my artwork. Maybe I’ll experiment with some Play-Doh later on!

I just spent my first week without orky around, she went to kentucky last week to start learning her job (or learning to like it, at least!). Word is she really misses me. I wonder if she thinks I just dumped her and deserted her. What an awful feeling to have, I really hope she doesn’ think that. Come heck, high water, or snwstorms I am heading down there this coming weekend to visit her, and see how she is doing. On the back of my mind (OK, who am I kidding – it’s on the front of my mind) is the worry about her front tendon and if that might become a serious problem. That could be disastrous.

On a good note, as of this afternoon my cracked tooth is FINALLY fixed (after 5 appointments in the past month and a half) and I should have no more problems with it from here on out. What a relief! Only cost me $1800, what a bargain! Tongue out

January 17, 2007

Fighting Sleep

Filed under: Uncategorized — CoolRabbit @ 12:34 pm

I think a perfect world would be one that alloed you just to lay down and nap whenever the urge strikes me. There are times when it is the greatest physical struggle for me to even keep my eyelids open. It actually hurts to stay awake! Participating in life should not be painful, by golly!

Of course the problem is that I am not getting enough sleep. By the time I get home in the evenings, I have so much stuff to do, and I do want to have my ‘down time’ in front of my computer for a while. I tend to get a large burst of energy late in the evening. By 9pm I am ready to go, and I can get a LOT accomplished between the hours of 9pm-2am. Too bad that doesn’t fit well in my work lifestyle which requires me to wake up at 5:45am each morning! I need to find a third-shift school to work at.

I fully intend to sleep in this weekend. I really think I will. I have every intention of doing this. We shall see….

January 10, 2007

Doors and Windows (and other passages)

Filed under: Uncategorized — CoolRabbit @ 1:21 pm

"When God closes a door, he opens a window"

OK, so this isn’t always true, but it has been true for me lately! I sit down in the dumps because of my situation and then *poof*! a window opens!

I am working very hard at certain things in my life. I am working hard at training Corky and keeping my barn duties up to date. I am working hard at getting organized at work. I am working hard at picking up the slack at home. I am working hard at being positive, happy, patient, upbeat, and understanding in my relationships.

Corky leaves in 2 days for the trainer’s. I have been given a great opportunity to have her trained within my financial means (which is NONE LOL!). I am constantly surprised at the new opportunities and possibilities that get opened up with each window. But man, I am going to miss that horse! I look forward to another winter of driving south to Kentucky on the weekends.

What a crazy life I lead. When I look at it objectively from above, I am amazed. No wonder I am so disorganized!

Time to go slip through another window!

January 4, 2007

Anger Management

Filed under: Uncategorized — CoolRabbit @ 11:49 am

Why is it that some people make a hobby out of being angry? I really think it must give some sort of rush or good feelings to feel righteous anger towards someone else. Heaven knows I’ve never felt it! One of my resolutions for the new year is to be angry less, to let things slide, let them blow over, and to not take things so personally. I am trying! Dontcha wish you could make new year’s resolutions for other people -  resolutions you feel they need to make but probably won’t?

Sometimes I feel my life is just a series of conflicts. I find myself walking on eggshells…trying desparately not to do wrong or screw up in the smallest way. I try to make plans and have enjoyable moments, but then something always happens where I don’t do something precisely right (in someone else’s eyes) and then I am left in the cold, shut out, and talked down. It makes me want to hibernate from these situations…totally avoid them! It’s not very healthy to live my life trying to avoid moments where I could possibly be imperfect.

Well, all I can do is what I can do – I can only control myself and my own reactions. What will be will be….but obviously it’s not going to be what I want it to be. What a shame. I really feel I have so much to give, if only I wasn’t so afraid of stepping a foot wrong and blowing it.

Powered by WordPress