"I've got a great ambition to die of exhaustion rather than boredom."

I judged at the hunt test yesterday in a downpour ALL day. I went through two pairs of rain pants. Thankfully, today was much better, although the ground was extremely wet with standing water. Today I didn't judge, so I entered Noodle in Master Hunter.

She was wonderful in the backfield - nice range without being out of control. In the bird field she immediately went on point. Her bracemate went on point also about 50 feet in front of her. The judges had the other handler flush the bird and blank it. I went to work Noodle's bird and soon realized that she had been pointing that other bird that was 50 feet away. Typical Noodle - when the birds are loose she does tend to point from a long distance.

We had a halfway decent honor on our bracemate's next bird, after he had a stop to flush earlier. She soon went on point on her own bird. The bird was uncooperative and flew over the judges' heads, and landed on the tall grass and started running. I heeled Noodle off and we went on to hunt (our bracemate had already been picked up at this point). I knew that there were no more birds in the field as we were the first brace and they only were planting 4, but we went on and hunted. Eventually the judges told me to bring Noodle back around and try to point that loose bird that I had heeled her off of. She went on point, I flushed the bird (who had since hunkered down), and she made a big hop to mark but stayed steady. I waited a nice long time before releasing her to the retrieve. She finished with a pretty decent retrieve, and Master pass #37!

Dolphin got to run as the bye in the last Master brace. He pointed a bird pretty early in the brace, and the bird flushed over his head. Unlike Noodle, he dod NOT move a muscle to mark the bird, so he had no idea it went down pretty far away behind him. When I released him to the retrieve, he ran off to the left looking for the bird, and found a live planted bird, picked it up and brought it to me. It was a mistake, but an allowable one as he was sent to find a bird, and he honestly thought this was the one. No matter, as all he needed to do was point and retrieve so the other dog could honor through it. We leashed up and headed out of the field and let the other dog do their bird work. Dolphin enjoyed himself!

Noodle got to run one more time as a bye in the Senior Hunter. She did her job perfectly - finding and pointing a nice bird in the backfield, giving her bracemate an easy chance to do an honor before the excitement of the birdfield. She was nice and steady as I flushed and blanked, I heeled off, leashed up, and we were done for the day! Nice day! It took my mind off of what is coming up tomorrow....Pizza's ultrasound.

Pizza had her ultrasound today. I was so stressed about it last night I ended up taking a sleeping pill so I could sleep. At least I had one peaceful night, because that ship has sailed. They found NO puppies on the ultrasound. Zero. They did see some signs that possibly she had absorbed one, but the ultrasound was empty. I cannot even describe how devastated I feel right now. This was our last shot, because we literally tried EVERYTHING. Even the repro vets agreed that they are stumped, because everything was perfect for this breeding once again, and for the third time we came up empty. We have nothing left to try. I am done. My dreams are gone, my plans are defunct. I can't help but feel bitter seeing other people that have zero issues in producing puppies, especially from some sub-par matchups. That's my bitterness talking, I know that's a crappy thing to feel but that's me right now. I feel so alone. I feel like I was deserted. I get it, people are off trying to find other litters or whatnot, but it is a painful thing to deal with alone.

So now what do I do? I don't really know. It is hard to think about getting a puppy from someone else because I know very few could measure up to Pizza and what she could have produced. I don't even know where to start.

This evening I took Dolphin and Pizza over to do a little agility training. I think Dolphin understood how much therapy I needed because he was outstanding in his training. Pizza...not so much. She is fat and terribly out of shape, and the months I have spent just sitting on the couch with her and not actively training really shows. I have to get her back in shape, and get her training focus back so that we can move on and keep working on our other activities. It's hard to see her and know there will be no more like her, she is the end of the line. Damn that hurts.

Yesterday it rained ALL day, which was pretty fitting for how I felt. I wallowed all day. Today the ground was saturated and flooded, but the sun came out and so did I. Pizza and I headed to the field to do a little training (dragging Mark and his gun along). She is really out of shape, so it's time to get her fit again. Third time I've had to take that fake baby weight off her, last time I am going to have to do this I guess.

It got hot out, and Pizza's stamina was pretty low, but boy oh boy was she happy! We put out 6 quail, and trained with my friend and her dog, and Mark did the shooting. Right off the bat I noticed that Pizza was obsessing over honoring - it was hard to get her to hunt because she kept watching the other dog and would slink down to honor every time he slowed down. I guess the old saying 'be careful what you wish for' rings true here...I LOVE her natural honor but sometimes it is over the top.

Pizza's first bird was perfection. Nice point, steady, and a pretty nice retrieve (with lots and lots of praise!). Her second bird was buried a bit under some wet hay and grass, and she had a hard time scenting it, and ended up pointing right on top of it, literally. When I reached for her collar to back her up, she tried to grab it and I scolded her. We worked the bird, it was a super LONG retrieve and a tough one in the high grass but she did it!

Her last bird was the best yet. Whe I tried to flush it, it popcorned up and down and ran about 30 yards and hid in the cover. I relocated her to find it for me, and she went on point. I could not find the bird anywhere, I searched and searched. Twice I tapped her to relocate and she stiffened up and would not move. Sure enough, that bird was right next to her foot, and this time she was NOT going to make a move! I got the bird up and it was shot really close. I sent her for the retrieve, and she did a really nice retrieve on a bird that was shot up pretty bad - the skin was hanging off. Normally she won't finish those types of retrieves, but she did great this time! Imust say I was really happy with how she worked that bird, and how solid she stayed when I tried to relocate her. She did pretty darn awesome after not being on birds for over two months.

Being out in the field was a healing balm to my heart, but it also was a knife to my heart. Watching Pizza work, knowing that I will never have a puppy out of her with those same amazing qualities really hurts deep. It's hard to put into words. I don't know that I will ever look at her and not feel that pain of regret.

I spent a wonderful 3 days with Dolphin, and my agility training bestie and her dog. We headed to Fort Wayne for an agility trial - another place we have never been. I don't know what's in the water up there, but these were some of the nicest, friendliest people I have ever met at an agility trial! We got to hike every evening, and it was so nice - the weather is finally spring-like. It was a great weekend - here is a recap:

FRIDAY: First on the agenda was FAST. Dolphin ran well, but missed the tunnel in the send. I entered Premiere Standard just for training purposes, and I worked the A-frame over and over again...never could get him to actually stop in the yellow like he is doing in training. I think that ship has sailed! We had a really nice Q in standard, though he barely got a toenail in the yellow on the A-Frame and dogwalk. He ran so good in jumpers, but he had like 3-4 off course jumps...he ran pretty big ahead of me and instead of watching my cues he just started making up his own mind. Although the NQ was a bummer, it was nice to see him so confident he was making his own decisions!

SATURDAY: The send in FAST was jump - weaves - jump and it was HARD! The distance was pretty big. Amazingly, Dolphin got it! It was very unexpected, but I had worked a lot on sending to the weaves last Monday when I trained, and for once something I trained actually stuck in his head...woot! He knocked a bar in standard, and then leaped off the A-Frame contact. I did a Fix N Go and got a nice A frame (not a stop, but at least a well-timed running), and we finished the course really strong. In Jumpers, he charged ahead of me and took an off course tunnel...very unlike him! The weaves were up front right next to the scorer table, and he missed his entrance because he got startled by the people there (he didn't notice them until he got right up there). He nailed his weaves the second time and finished really strong. It was a good run, even with the mistakes.

SUNDAY: Dolphin started the day by nailing his send in FAST for a nice Q. He then had a fantastic standard run - fast and smooth and good contacts! We ran Time 2 Beat and we had a nice smooth Q! So, when jumpers rolled around I was sitting on a possible quadruple QQQQ. Sadly, it was not to be, as he unexpectedly missed a jump in a straight line...I have no idea why other than he was running so fast and forward he just blew right past it. It was a marvelous run other than that. No double QQ today, but on a positive note he didn't knock a single bar in 4 runs today!!!

Dolphin ran amazing this whole weekend. Every single run was fast, focused, and joyful - the best kind! We had a blast together! So many good things, even though we had zero double QQ's. I really feel like we will get there, things will click and it WILL happen!

I am drowning in the rain, both outside and in my life. I got home yesterday and Noodle has her right hind leg up in the air and doesn't want to put weight on it. Today she will walk around on it, and then suddenly lift it and hold it up. I have a feeling this is something pretty serious...I have a suspicion but am trying not to give it life. Pizza has a raging ear infection - so bad it is seeping and is swollen. Both dogs have a vet appointment tomorrow. Unfortunately my regular vet is on vacation so we are seeing someone else. I am sick to my stomach because I have a feeling that Noodle might be OUT for our national specialty coming up in less than a month. That would be so cruel of life to do that to me - first no litter, then Noodle (my most accomplished dog) stays home? I can't even...

I took Noodle and Pizza to my vet on Tuesday. My vet is on vacation so I saw a different vet in the practice. Pizza went for her icky nasty ear infection. It's the worst it has ever been. She gets them constantly. I got some powerful antibiotic ear drops, and we are going to try removing chicken and beef from her diet to see if it might be food-allergy related.

Noodle's lameness has me very worried. They took x-rays of her leg and knee, mainly to see if there was a complete CCL tear. The x-rays did not show any knee abnormality, so if it is a tear, it's only a partial. The vet said it might be just a sprain/strain, and to put her on anti-inflammatories (and a hefty dose of Trazodone) and rest her. Today she looks a little worse, even after being rested for 3 days. When she gets up, she lifts her right leg in the air and walk on three legs. After she gets moving, she will start putting the leg down and walks on it, but the leg looks very stiff. This morning she looked worse than all week, so the anti-inflammatories are definitely not helping. Luckily I was able to secure an appointment tomorrow with an orthopedic specialist at Med Vet. I don't want to mess around. It is breaking my heart trying to keep we cooped up and quiet...and darn near impossible to keep her still. Hopefully we will have answers, and hopefully a GOOD answer that doesn't involve surgery or a lengthy period of rest. However...I am not feeling too hopeful.

Noodle has not improved all week, in fact she looks a little worse, even after 4 days of rest and anti-inflammatories. I was able to get her an appointment today with an Ortho specialist at Med Vet. If it's a partially torn CCL I want to know now so we can get it fixed. Surprise, it's not a CCL injury at all. The vet showed me that even when he hyper-extended Noodle's knee, she had no reaction. However, when he pressed on her back just above her tail, on her sacrum, she showed obvious pain. He suggested a neuro consult, so I stayed there all day so the neuroligist could look at her.

The neurologist things she has Degenerative lumbosacral stenosis. Yeah, don't ask me to explain, it's complicated. We scheduled an MRI for Monday morning. If her diganosis is correct and there is definite signs, she may have to do surgery - a dorsal laminectomy. Yeah, don't ask me to explain that either. I was so emotional, I could barely register what the doctor was saying. Thank goodness for Google. I guess we will know more on Monday, but the surgery involves 4-6 weeks of crate rest, and then 3 months of limited activity. The thought of this makes my entire body implode. I seriously cannot handle this right now. My heart is breaking into a million pieces. This girl is my heart and soul. She is going to be SO unhappy being crated. I am going to be SO unhappy having to crate her 24/7. I am so worried that she may never be 'normal' again. I am terrified. Sick to my stomach. On the verge of a meltdown. OK, maybe beyond the verge, I did melt down today. I don't think anyone could understand what this dog means to me.

Too much rain on me this month...I am drowning.

Today Pizza and I gave a bird dog demonstration to the participants of WOW (Women's Outdoor Weekend) at our bird dog club. 50 women got to learn about what it takes to train a pointing dog, and got to see Pizza in action as she demonstrated pointing a bird, pointing a covey, and honoring another dog. It was a lot of fun, and Pizza loved the attention, of course! She was such a good demo dog, she dodn't put a paw wrong. It was nice spending the day one-on-one with my girl. It was slightly bittersweet as Noodle was the one supposed to be doing the demo, but Pizza stepped in and did a great job, especially after only working birds once in the past 2+ months.

I managed to hold my mental state together all afternoon, but of course that came crashing down as soon as I got home and faced reality. It's going to be hard to sleep tomorrow night, knowing that Noodle is headed to Med Vet for several days.

I got up bright and early and drove Noodle to MedVet on the other side of Columbus (rush hour...yuck). Today was the day - MRI and possibly surgery. I dropped her off (she had a full-blown meltdown in the waiting area) and paid my $8900 deposit (OMG!), and headed home, crying all the way. This morning was pure overload for me, and coming home without Noodle just crushed me.

They did the MRI later in the morning and called me with the results. They did diagnose Degenerative lumbosacral stenosis. The MRI showed no significant change in the LS - just a mild compression. This means that it was too mild for surgery. They wanted to do an epidural shot into the spine (steroids). She will need to be rested for 2 weeks, then have another shot, and then start back to exercise for 2 weeks, and then she should be OK to go back to full activity! They will do a third shot a month after that. I will still miss out on the national specialty, but the neurologist thinks by mid-June she should be OK to go back to agility. Of course she countered that by saying if these shots don't work, then the issue is something else entirely and I will have to go back to the ortho doc for more extensive evaluations. But right now I am hopeful! The best news is no crate rest - just leash walking and in house rest for the first 2 weeks.

I am cautiously optimistic. I am thrilled that she doesn't have to have surgery, as the recovery was LONG (4-6 weeks crate rest and then 3 months limited activity). This plan is much more doable. While not exactly what I wanted, at least this treatment plan is a better option than surgery. I pray that it works. I want to get her back to full activity, and I know Noodle desperately wants to go back to full activity! I will do whatever it takes to make this girl whole - she is my heart and soul and I will move heaven and earth to help her.

On a different note, this evening I did a little agility training in my agility yard with my friend. It was good to get back to something 'normal'. I worked Dolphin - all I can say is that he was fair-to-middlin'. He ran OK, but pretty conservative. I also ran Pizza, and she actually ran great, considering she has been off for so long. Amazingly she focused on course really well, which is the part we struggle with. I think while Noodle is out of commission I will bring her to Noodle's agility class, along with her own, and see how she does with the extra training.

Today I took an "us" day. This is a day where I take my dogs and do something just fun, relaxing, zero training, zero pressure. Of course, Noodle had to stay home. Speaking of Noodle, since I brought her home Monday evening she has NOT taken a lame step at all! Surprisingly she has handled the rest fairly well, doing a lot of sleeping during the day. We spend some time each day on the couch in my office watching TV together. I have been so ultra-focused on her, today was a welcome respite for Pizza and Dolphin.

I took Pizza and Dolphin out to the bird dog club. We went out in the back field and did a LOT of running. We then went into the woods (which are getting really overgrown!) and did a LOT more running! The creek was high enough that it was actually swimmable, so of course they spent some time in there, cooling off. Back out to the field for more running! Pizza was pretty darn pooped by the end, but I think Dolphin could have gone another hour at least. Both dogs were tired, happy, and covered in black mud. It's a great day to be a Weimaraner!

Noodle continues to look really good. She has moments of wildness (which I quickly try to tamper). I felt so guilty, I put her on a check cord and took her for a walk today around the property. She was very good, she just walked out in front of me, sniffing and exploring quietly. I have to admit I'm a little shocked at how well she is behaving. Possibly the Gabapentin she is on is really keeping her quiet. I am cautiously optimistic that we are on the right track and getting somewhere.

I had to share this photo of Dolphin - he LOVES his flat football. He carries it wherever he goes on the property. He went on point on a kildeer and stayed solid like this for a good 5 minutes, all while holding the toy in his mouth. I just love this boy!!!

Today it was back to work! Nothing big, just putting down a few pigeons for my dogs and my friend's dog to keep them tuned up. It was a glorious day again. This has been the coldest spring we have had in many years...usually by now the daytime temoeratures are in the 80's. Today it barely reached the high 50's. Cold for me, but great for the dogs in the field!

Pizza was worked first. She was stellar on all of her birds. She is overly-obsessing over honoring right now, so it is slowing her way down because she is constantly watching the other dog and trying to stop every time he slows down. While I love her natural honor, this is getting a little overboard and is ruining her run. I am kind of at a loss as to what to do because it is really slowing her down.

Dolphin handled a rogue pigeon that pushed it's way out of the tip up really well. He had another really nice solid point, and one of the best honors he has ever done! His first honor wasn't great, but the other dog was buried in the high cover and he stopped in the path on scent. Then he saw the other dog, so his head kept turning left-other dog, forward-scent, left-other dog, forward-scent. I like that he was acknowledging the other dog, and I can't fault him for stopping on scent as there is now way he could have seen the dog. His second honor was out in the open, he ran way ahead of me, saw the other dog on point, hit his brakes, and stayed steady watching the other dog as I caught up. Victory!

Aftwewards, my friend released a pheasant (with his flight feathers pulled) to run in the field so she could work on her dog tracking it. Her dog was not able to find it and we had no idea where it went. Pizza to the rescue! It took her a bit as the cover was so thick, but she found and pointed the pheasant so my friend was able to catch it and put it back in her cage. What a great dog she is!

Pizza got to do double duty in agility classes since Noodle is out for the next month - she went to Noodle's class yesterday and her own class today. In both classes she ran fantastic! We are working on threadles, and even though I haven't worked on those in well over a year with her, she was really pretty good. In both classes we had zero visits, almost no sniffing, solid startlines and contacts and 100% weaves, and zero knocked bars. Can't ask for more than that!

The scary thing is that she is giving me hope, and hope terrifies me. Hope means I have the tiniest bit of positive expectations, and that will be really hard to digest when things end up crashing and burning. I want to stay negative, but dang, she is doing so well!

I have Pizza entered in a USDAA trial next Friday, just for practice, at our home training facility. I do have her entered near the end of June at a trial in Pennsylvania, but my plan is to do FEO (for exhibition only) with her and do some positive training in the ring. We shall see if my positivity was warranted.

Noodle continues to do well, with zero signs of lameness. She goes next week for her second injection. Fingers crosed...

It was another agility trip with my best boy and our training partners, this time it was just a few hours north to the Cleveland area and one of our favorite venues. We had a wonderful weekend with some great hiking at Cuyahoga Valley National Park, and also the Bedford Reservation. The agility was...um..interesting. I will say this - Dolphin ran with fantastic speed and enthusiasm. That is priority #1 so that was mission accomplished. Unfortunately, we only got one Standard Q on Friday (and it was a NICE one!) and three FAST Q's. Out of 12 total runs, Dolphin knocked a bar in 9. Every knocked bar was different, for different reasons, so no one consistent thing. He just jumps with abandon and doesn't worry about the bars coming down. Now I know that is partly my fault because I never made it an issue with him because I did not want to de-motivate him. That plan worked, but now I am dealing with the after affects. Here is a recap of our runs:

FRIDAY: FAST - The send was tunnel-tunnel-weaves, Dolphin nailed it. He did knock two bars at the end, but they were only one-pointers so it didn't affect us. STANDARD - WONDERFUL run! Fast, and clean! Our only Regular Q for the weekend. JUMPERS - Dolphin ran this course really well, lots of speed, but knocked the 3rd jump from the end by bumping the side of the wing. T2B - Great run, but hit the jump with the bottom of his chest.

SATURDAY: FAST - The send was a 3 jump serpentine, Dolphin got it with good speed. It was a messy run but clean with no bars down, yay! One of our few bar-free runs this weekend. STANDARD - Dolphin knocked the bar after the tunnel, hit it with his front feet. The rest of the run was really good. JUMPERS - Dolphin knocked a bar on a straight line run with his back legs. I did a rear cross at that jump but I don't think that affected it. T2B - Once again, a great run with speed but a knocked bar - hit with his front feet.

SUNDAY: FAST - The send was tunnel to a 2 jump serpentine, and he nailed it, our plan went exactly as I had walked, and we had no bars down. T2B - Dolphin ran well, but threw in an extra short stride on a jumping line and hit the bar with his front. STANDARD - This one was truly a heartbreak. We had an amazing clean run going, and on the last jump (a triple) Dolphin was a good 5 inches above the bar, but bumped the top of the wing because he was jumping so far to the left. I honestly was so upset I had to leave the building and compose myself outside. That run broke my heart...so damn close. JUMPERS - Honestly, I was so frustrated at this point, and even more so when he jumped sloppily and knocked a bar on a straight line of jumps. I was carelss and did not handle a complicated line very well and that ended up sending him into the wrong end of the tunnel. We finished strong with a blazing fast set of weaves.

On a good note, our FAST Q on Friday finished Dolphin's Master Fast Silver title (50 Master FAST Q's). We ended up with one standard and three FAST Qs....not exactly what I had hoped for, but it is what it is. We did have a LOT of fun hiking, and of course running agility with Dolphin is so much fun! Someday we will get the success we have been working for...someday.