Trust is for fools!
How do you really trust someone who has been untruthful? It's like a big stain that won't come out. I find it coloring, staining, affecting me every time I turn a corner. That nasty little doubt creeps in and poisons me. The more I look, the more I find. It's amazing what you find when you actually open your eyes and start looking. I wish wish wish I had never started looking, I wish I had never been alerted to any of this! I'd rather be a blind, stupid fool that one who knows and lets it eat her alive.
Sometimes I wonder if I even trust myself. I mean, I have certainly let myself down a number of times. I tend to deceive myself on a daily basis. How can I trust my own perceptions? I hate what I have become, and I wish I could turn back time and find that person that I reinvented so many years ago. That was who I had always wanted to be, and I made it! But now I am once again someone else that I am not satisfied with. Geeze, how many people can one person become in a lifetime? I've been the fool, the strong one, the independent one, the mover and shaker, the goal-setter, the achiever, the lazy bum, and the fool again.
