Bacon had her semi-private lesson today. I am struggling with accepting that her heart is so damaged she will never be able to do the things we had planned. Today it all came to a head. We were working on a lowered dogwalk, and she was running across it so confident when she slipped and c=scrambled and fell off. She immediately started limping, so we had to sit out the rest of the lesson. Now she is terrified of all of the contact obstacles, doesn't even want to go near them. It's so much to handle right now, I am so tired of crying about this. Thankfully she bounced back and was physically fine by the next day, but mentally...not so much. Me neither.

In our quest to live all we can, while we can, Mark and I (along with Dolphin and Bacon) headed south to our place in Goodland, Florida. No dog shows, no agility trials, just a vacation with no timeline (other than having to be back in time for Mark's next chemo appointment). It was a wonderful week. I needed this stress-free time with Mark. I had a wonderful time, but always in the back of my mind is the worry and stress about his future, and our future.

I figured Dolphin could show Bacon how to swim in the gulf, but no swim lessons needed as Bacon went right in the water as if she was part fish! She was so confident, it was wonderful to see. Enjoy the photos and the video of the dog's vacation (that they let us attend!).

We got back home from Florida late Friday night. I have been spending the past few days working with Bacon at home - just short training sessions of 5-10 minutes at a time. I had to lower the teeter all the way down and start from scratch, because that fall off the lowered dogwalk made her fearful of all raised planks. I worked on some short jumping sequences and she is doing OK. I rented the training building a few times, including tonight. It all seems like an exercise in futility because she can't go for more than a round or two and she is breathing heavy and slows down and loses all of her drive. It's weird, because in Florida while she was running and swimming in the water she didn't seem to slow down much, but then she was going at her own pace and could stop or slow whenever she wanted. It kills me to think about the fact that the two main things I wanted to do with her - field and agility - she won't be able to do. The hard thing is my friends don't seem to give it a thought. They are moving on, and when I try to talk about it I get brushed off. I need someone to talk to and to vent to, but have to keep it all to myself...sure cant vent to Mark because he has much bigger things on his mind. It's a very lonely path I am walking right now and with everything going on, I am struggling to stay positive.

On a positive note, I took Bacon to rally run-throughs and she did great. Its kind of ironic that the two sports I really do not enjoy (obedience and rally) are probably the two she will be able to do...go figure.

On a less positive note, I took Dolphin to Noodle's agility class this morning since he will miss his class tomorrow because of Mark's appointments, and he ran like complete shit. Apparently he thought I needed to feel like even more of a loser in this damn sport.

Oh yes, and how could I forget to mention - Bacon came in season today! Ye gads...we need this right now! All I can say is thank goodness it didn't happen a week ago when we were in Florida. Poor Dolphin would have lost his mind.

Welcome to my bi-polar life. I swear, it feels that way. I didn't sleep well last night and I was in a very crunchy mood this morning. We got up early and headed downtown so Mark could have his scans done. Spent hours and hours there, only to find out that the doctor that reads the scans is not in, so we will have to wait until next week for the report. It's killing me, this waiting game. I know I should have a handle on my frustration, but it feels like everything is piling on all at once.

I wasn't going to go train today after yesterday's fiasco. I did a little training in my yard and Bacon did great on the teeter. I worked in the afternoon, and she had a serious and complete meltdown in the kennel because I had Dolphin and Noodle in my office with me. Never mind that Pizza was right there with her, she barked and jumped at the walls and carried on for almost 2 hours. I had to do the tough love thing and wait her out. She finally quieted down so I could get her out and take her to training. She was panting and seriously over-exhaused, so I figured today's session would be a waste. I was so wrong! She was fantastic! Well, I should say, fantastic for a broken0hearted puppy in the heat. She ran fairly well, and best of all she did the teeter multiple times. I even took her over to the loud metal teeter and only had to lure her over the first time. After that, she ran across it multiple times (with a beautiful 2 on 2 off, I might add). Progress! We still haven't attempted a lowered dog walk yet, hopefully we will try that next week. I did love her focus today. Even with another dog working in the ring, she never left my side and stayed focued on what I was asking. That definitely is progress. I don't know what our future holds, but by golly I want a well-trained dog, regardless! We are getting there, and I feel SO much better than yesterday.